Who should hear it first
Before anything goes out in writing, call the people who should not learn it from a screen: close family, the closest friends, perhaps a neighbor who saw the person every day. A group text or a post reaches many people at once, which is helpful, but it is not the way a sister wants to hear about her brother. Once those calls are made, a written announcement saves the family from repeating the same painful conversation.
A text message
"Hi Ann, I'm sorry to tell you that Dad passed away this morning. He was peaceful and we were with him. We will share details about the service soon. Love, Laura." Keep it short. If you are sending to many people, a group text or a short video means you write it only once.
A group text
"Dear family and friends, with great sadness we share that our mother, Margaret Ellis, died on Sunday, October 12, at the age of 85. Information about the service will follow. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts." A funeral announcement video can carry the same message with her photo, so it reads the same for everyone who receives it.
An email
Subject: Margaret Ellis. "Dear friends, I am writing with sad news. My mother, Margaret Ellis, passed away peacefully on October 12. She was 85. The funeral will be on Saturday, October 18, at 11:00 AM at Grace Community Church in Springfield. We would be glad to see you there." An email suits colleagues and people who do not use group texts.
A Facebook post
"It is with a broken heart that I share that my dad, Robert Turner, passed away on September 30. He loved his family, his boat and a good cup of coffee. A memorial service will be held on October 25; details are below. Thank you for your kind words." Before you post, make sure the immediate family agrees and that nobody close still needs a phone call. Posts travel fast and cannot be taken back once shared. A square video works well in a feed.
Words to use and words to avoid
"Died", "passed away" and "left us" are all fine. Leave out the cause of death unless the family wants to share it. Avoid giving a home address in a public post. If the service will be private, say so gently; see the private service announcement. For invitation texts, see funeral invitation wording.
A corrected message
If something in the first message was wrong, send a short correction in the same thread: "A correction: the service is on Saturday, not Sunday." With a video, you fix it and send the new version; how to share a funeral invitation video explains how.
A short announcement for coworkers
"Dear colleagues, I am sad to let you know that our former colleague Henry Walsh died last week. Henry worked here for 30 years and many of you will remember him. His funeral is on Tuesday at 2:00 PM at Oakwood Funeral Home in Fairview." Ask the family before sharing with a workplace.
When the death was sudden or difficult
After a sudden or painful death, families often want to say very little. That is fine. "With great sadness we share that our son, Daniel, died on Friday. We ask for privacy at this time and will share more later" is complete. Nobody needs more than the family is ready to give. Some families also ask friends not to speculate in comments on social media; a gentle line asking people to share memories instead can help.
Replying to messages
An announcement often brings many replies. It is fine not to answer each one. A family member can post a short thank you later, or the family can say in the announcement that they read every message even if they cannot reply.
Before you send
- Close family were told by phone
- The family agrees with the wording and the channel
- No home address in a public post
- Name and date are right
About these guides
Written by Funeral Invitations, in plain language, for funeral directors and families. If anything changes about the videos or the price, we update the guides.